Three Things I’ve Learned From Law & Order

By Allison Brennan

I never watched Law & Order when it first aired, and to this day I’ve only watched a handful of the original L&O episodes. But in 2005, after I quit my “day job” and started writing full-time, I used to watch re-runs late at night as I came down off my caffeine high. The spin-off that hooked me was SVU. The original L&O has many of the same elements as SVU, but SVU has–for me at least–the most interesting characters, both the series stars and one-show stars.

Anyone writing crime fiction, mysteries or thrillers should at least invest a couple hours watching L&O, though I think the lessons learned would benefit most commercial fiction writers. There are other shows that “teach” the same lessons (HEROES, for example) but L&O is the most obvious.

1) Enter Late, Leave Early

Most writers want to over-explain. They like hefty set-ups, establishing character and backstory, and “setting the scene.” If you watch L&O you’ll see they start each scene just after the beginning of the scene. They don’t show Olivia and Elliott driving to the scene of the crime, they show them AT the scene of the crime–often after the CSI team have gone through it to give them information they need.

Sometimes, you want to show the painstaking CSI investigation–to establish clues or a red herring. But most of the time, it’s unnecessary. L&O has done a great job in showing us the parts of the investigation we need to see to stay invested with the story, but keeping other parts off-scene in such a way that we know it’s going on, we can “almost” see it, but it’s not in front of us. We never think they aren’t covering all the bases even when we don’t see them working each piece of evidence. Truly, masterfully done.

Leaving early is just as important. I’m a big offender of this–sometimes, my characters think too damn much at the end of scene, prolonging the story. While it’s important to get inside your character’s head, it’s best to do it as much as possible during the action of the scene to avoid long narratives between scenes. Scenes should answer story questions as well as ask story questions–so going into the scene you give your reader information and/or answers; then raise more. Leaving a scene “early” provides a great venue of such story questions, as well as cliffhangers to get the reader to turn the page, start the next chapter, finish the book.

WARNING: Entering late and leaving early is a great way to keep your story moving at a brisk pace. But after reading hundreds of thrillers, I’ve noticed that some never let up. You’re worn out because there is NO downtime. Sometimes, you SHOULD move into a scene slowly or wrap up a scene more completely, or even offer a “quiet” chapter so that your reader isn’t overwhelmed with one action after another with no let-up. I’ve found that these less frantic scenes are well-suited for right before or right after major story turning points, such as crossing the first threshold, the mid-point, or before (or after) the black moment (all is lost.)

Strong pacing is important, but strong pacing isn’t non-stop, story-on-steroids pacing

2) Shades of Grey 

I have always been fascinated by moral dilemmas. My first Lucy Kincaid book, which has been postponed to Spring 2011, deals with a complex moral dilemma. We in society often have sympathy for people who do the wrong thing for the right reasons, and often we have compassion for people who take the law into their own hands when they’ve played by the rules but were victimized.

Any one remember Dirty Harry? Wasn’t it MAGNUM FORCE that had cops killing criminals who’d beaten the system? On the one hand, it’s the worst betrayal of trust and duty to have cops kill in cold blood; on the other hand, many of us believe it’s unfair–and plain wrong–for violent offenders to beat the system and walk the streets, knowing that they’ll kill again.

We believe in the justice system because it is the most fair, but at the same time it is flawed. When I first learned decades ago that John Adams defended the British after the Boston Massacre, my gut feeling was how could someone fighting for Independence defend murderers? Yet, Adams believed so much in the system of a fair trial that I realized that his defense of the system was one of the backbones of our fight against British tyranny. If we denied them a trial, we were betraying the country we were trying to create. 

Few situations are black-and-white. We all have opinions and values that are important to us, but rarely is there a case in which anything we believe is all-or-nothing. It’s the shades of grey that make a story compelling–because life is never simple, nor most of the decisions we make, nor our values which have taken a lifetime to develop.

L&O explores many of these shades of grey, which makes the stories “page-turning.” Tonight I watched an episode from a few weeks ago called HARDWIRED about a group of predators who believe that sex between adults and pre-pubescent minors can be “love” and “consensual.” During the trial of the leader of the organization that was similar to NAMBLA but different, they had a girl testify that when she had a sexual relationship with the leader (when she was 11 through 14) that she consented, that because of him and his love for her, she got out of her abusive family home, moved in with her grandmother, and ended up staying in school and getting her Masters. While we all would (hopefully) agree that a sexual “relationship” between an 11 year old girl and a 30 year old man is vile and wrong, we can’t help but think what might have happened to the girl had she stayed with her physically abusive father, that the school and her drunk mother failed her, and this sick pedophile helped her get out of the situation. Fiction, yes, but we all know that there are good people in bad situations. It doesn’t make the relationship right, but it makes us pause and wonder how we, as society and human beings, could fail in such an atrocious manner that an 11 year old girl sees sex with a 30 year old as her only way out of a miserable life.

This is just one example of the “shades of grey” that L&O explores so well–without over-explaining or being preachy–that I find intriguing, and speaks directly to the next, and perhaps most important point:

3) Characters Are People Too 

In a one-hour drama, it’s hard to convey well-rounded, full characters who you believe really exist. In a series it’s easier, but every show runs the risk of two-dimensional stereotypes. CASTLE is my guilty pleasure, and it’s probably the worst at surface characterization. I just can’t help myself, I like the show. HEROES does a better job at creating characters who are neither all-good or all-bad, who are complex and flawed and sometimes do the right thing for the wrong reasons; or the wrong thing for the right reasons. But L&O is masterful at characterization. The series repeat characters have grown over the series, but in many ways they haven’t changed drastically. We understand them and how they will react in certain situations, and that is comforting even when they don’t act as we would. They are staying IN CHARACTER. The supporting cast provides just as much depth. They don’t agree on everything, they argue their points effectively, they are not all perfect or all flawed. And even more important, they don’t have to agree on everything and they can still work together effectively. 

But it’s the guest stars, whether famous or not, who make the show. Some bad guys are just bad. Some are bad but you have sympathy. Some are more complex than others. Some lie, some don’t. They are REAL. You feel like you’ve really caught a snapshot, or a short video, of their life. If a one-hour (44 minute!) program can create REAL, complex characters on television, we as authors should be able to do the same in a 100,000 word novel–while adhering to point #1 above. They use stereotypes effectively to keep the story moving (not everyone needs a backstory shown, like the traffic cop who relays information, of the paramedic who has two lines) but smoothly, so you don’t *think* stereotype. But the characters important to the story have depth.

So what have you learned from your favorite TV shows? 

Jung at heart

by Alexandra Sokoloff

Last month I found myself in Jungian analysis by mistake.

(I know this doesn’t sound probable, but trust me, it can be done.)

I guess if you subscribe to the synchronistic (and Jungian) theory that there are no accidents, which I pretty much do when I remember to, then it wasn’t a mistake, but it certainly wasn’t intentional.

But ever one to go with the flow, this perhaps being an extreme case, I am now committed.

I always loved the idea of doing Jungian therapy (because for one thing, as a woman, why would I ever trust anything Freud had to say?), but somewhere along the way I forgot.

So I was intrigued to find myself in this situation.   It did seem destined.  Also, the first thing my therapist did was buy and read my books, which you have to admire in a therapist.

I’ve had two bouts with therapy before.   I think a lot of people go into therapy looking to be fixed, and when a certain period of time goes by and you notice that you’re still not fixed, you look to do it again.  

On the other hand, I think a lot of writers, maybe other artists too, are wary of therapy and analysis because, hey, if you take away our demons, what’s left?

But a Jungian-based approach is very artist/writer friendly because you’re dealing with

A)   Dreams

B)   Fairy Tales

and

C)   All those people in your head.

All of which are writers’ stock in trade.

The dream landscape has been very interesting – it’s amusing how reading Jungian books makes you dream in Jungian symbols almost instantly.   I’ve never dreamed of a castle in my life that I can remember, but the other night after reading Robert A. Johnson’s Fisher King/Handless Maiden, there I was that night in a full-on medieval castle, interacting with a studious adolescent boy who was, I am gathering, one aspect of my animus, my inner male.   (He was not happy with me.  At all.)

And then the next night, another animus figure and I and this little wild girl child were excavating a statue of a goddess, or the goddess, but it felt like Aphrodite, which had become damaged, I believe cracked in the head, in the process of excavation and we had to stop.

Not my usual dreams at all, but the theory is that the unconscious really WANTS us to get the message and will obligingly adopt whatever symbolic language will make us get it the fastest.   At any rate, my dreams, which are usually interesting, have become suddenly very pointedly clear about my life situation.  

One big element of Jungian therapy is this idea of the anima and animus, that we all have masculine and feminine sides, or aspects, really.   (I will not even attempt to explain this myself, yet – here’s a great article. )

And what we do when we’re unconscious (not meaning asleep, but the general waking unconsciousness of most human beings on the planet) is project our own anima (for men) or animus (for women) onto the men and women we fall in love with.   And a true relationship is only possible when both partners are able to withdraw the projection and see their partner for the real person they are.

So (if I’ve got this right) theoretically, you do that by becoming aware of your anima/animus to begin with, which you can do by studying who and what shows up in your dreams.

In most of my dreams for the last week I have been interacting with a male figure, all different ages, or there is simply one by my side while I go about whatever else I am doing:  my brother, that brainy adolescent boy from the castle, an alarming number of exes, a completely insane homeless person, Alfred Hitchcock (I loved that one), and Joe Konrath.    (Yes, I know, scary, but the truth shall set you free.)

All aspects of my animus.  

One of my particular life problems is about balancing my male and female sides, which have been unbalanced for a long time, so this first step, becoming aware of what’s actually in there, is being fascinating.   It’s a marvelous thing that everything we need to know about ourselves is actually right there, playing itself out in our dreams every night.    It’s actually kind of addictive, to look at your life more as a novel, with its own structure and design, and to not be the writer for once, but the audience.

And of course, it’s all research – SO many new characters to keep in that character warehouse for when next I need them.

There’s another thing that’s being fascinating, in fictional terms as well as therapeutic, and that’s how my dreams will keep presenting the same symbols and variations on the same setting or situation – there are obvious themes, and a progression to the dreams, as if when I figure out what one is saying, the next dream will take it to the next level and there will be a new puzzle to work out to get to the next step.  

I find myself impatient to get through the day and get to sleep so I can see what happens next.

ALL of the above so obviously applicable to writing:  thematic image systems, a series of progressive puzzles, recurring characters, male and female sides in opposition, and the drive to find out WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

Now, I admit, I can’t see that the writing I’m doing during the day has taken any quantum leap because of my more conscious nightly adventures – yet – but on the other hand, I never know what I’m writing or how good it is until I’m finished.   And I can’t help but think that it’s going to help.

Anyway, I’ll keep you posted.

So how about you out there?   Any Jungians?   Has therapy helped your writing or your life?  Any interesting dreams, lately?

Happy Solstice, Christmas, Hannuka, Kwanzaa, and everything else that everyone celebrates!

—————————————————————————————–

I will be teaching an online Screenwriting Tricks for Authors workshop through the Yellow Rose Romance Writers, Jan. 1 through Jan. 18. 

These online workshops are a fantastic deal, just $25 for two weeks, and here’s where you can get one-on-one feedback on the craft techniques I blog about here as they apply to your own story.  All genres welcome!

Go here to register.

More info on Screenwriting Tricks For Authors.

- Alex

XENOPHOBIA

By Stephen Jay Schwartz

Xenophobia:  a dislike and/or fear of that which is unknown or different from oneself. It comes from the Greek words ξένος (xenos), meaning “stranger,” “foreigner” and φόβος (phobos), meaning “fear.” The term is typically used to describe a fear or dislike of foreigners or of people significantly different from oneself, usually in the context of visibly differentiated minorities.

I don’t know why this was on my mind this week.  Maybe it’s because I’m aware of the unique opportunity we as writers have to combat xenophobic thinking.  It brings up the writings of Jim Thompson, a classic crime writer from the 1950s.  His protagonists always encountered xenophobic characters, yet even before the days of the Civil Rights Movement, Thompson managed to reveal the absurdity of racism and discrimination through character confrontation.

Thinking about this, I considered my own role in this process.  I wondered if I had truly examined my perspective on race and culture.  It brought out the moments in my life where I first observed xenophobic thinking:

Memory Flash #1:  I’m in high school, with one of my very best friends.  She and I weren’t romantic, but we were so close that, at times, it seemed like we were meant to be together.  I knew she was a very religious Christian and, since I’m Jewish, I recognized that this was one major point of difference between us.  I remember one day at lunch I saw her crying and I asked her what was wrong.  She told me she was sad because someday we would pass on from this world, and she would be in Heaven, and I wouldn’t be there. 

Memory Flash #2:  I’m in college, at North Texas State University, in Denton, Texas.  A friend of mine is waiting for the dorm-mate who had been assigned to her.  It’s a week into the semester and the girl hasn’t arrived.  Then one day she appears and tells my friend, “This is the imaginary line in the center of our room.  I’ll stay on my side and you stay on yours, whitey.” 

Memory Flash #3:  I’m in college again, playing in a sixteen-piece swing band called Big Al’s Swing Dance Orchestra.  I’m playing alto and I’m working through a section with the tenor player.  He’s being a real jerk to me, as he always is.  Suddenly he apologizes, saying that he’s just never been around a Jew before and didn’t know how to deal with someone whose people were responsible for killing Jesus Christ.

Memory Flash #4:  A girl hangs out with us at the dorms.  She’s mulatto, but her features are mostly African American.  She’s a musician, like the rest of us.  The guys she hangs out with at the Black Student Union tell her she has to make a choice – is she black or white?  ‘Cause she’s acting like an “Oreo”.  She is torn.

Memory Flash #5:  I’m driving in a heavy rainstorm in Northern Arizona, doing research in the Navajo Reservation.  My car breaks down.  I’ve got the hood up and a Navajo man in his twenties stops and asks if I need help.  I’m freaked out, scared, having heard stories of people being held up on the road in the Res.  “No, I’m fine!” I say and I instantly regret it.  I see the look on his face, he shakes his head.  I can tell I’ve hurt something inside him, hurt him bad.  He goes back to his truck.  He was only trying to help, after all.

These are experiences I’ve had and I can surely use them in my own writing, in an effort to unmask xenophobia, the way Jim Thompson did.  But I wonder if these experiences are enough.

Part of my job as a writer is to walk in the shoes of the characters I depict.  But I wonder if I truly understand the racially and religiously diverse characters I write.  Am I writing real people or stereotypes?  Is there a subtle xenophobia working behind the scenes, keeping me from capturing the nuance of characters too different from myself?

I wrote an African American detective named Wallace into my novel, BOULEVARD.  Does he read authentic?  Does he need to read different than any other American detective I write?  I first wrote the character as white, and then, mid-stream, I changed his ethnic background.  Should I have reached back further, created a new character analysis to redefine his perspective on life, based on the different forces that have influenced his life as a black man in America?  I did some of this on the fly, but was it enough?  I wonder if I have a responsibility to do more.

When I was in college I wrote a screenplay about a nineteen-year old Navajo boy who took a trip through the Res, encountering other Navajo characters on his way to California.  I did a huge amount of research for this story and, in the end, I think I captured the characters realistically.  But maybe the work was overly sentimental.  Maybe it was a white, Jewish, college kid’s idealized version of the world of the Navajo.

What does it take to see the world through the eyes of another?  Does our best work come when we rely on our own experiences for authenticity?  We’ve all heard that we should write what we know.  So many great writers have written from their own childhood experiences and their work stands out because of it.  But I’ve always thought that good research would fill the gap.  If I research it, I experience it, and therefore I know it.  And then if I write this “researched experience,” I’ll be writing what I know. 

But is that enough?  Can I possibly write from the perspective of a Navajo or African American or East Indian if all I’ve done is the research?  Is there a part of me that’s afraid of the differences between them and me?  And, if so, will I truly be able to represent their stories on the page?  It makes me wonder if I’m capable of exposing our xenophobic world through my fiction, when my own point of view might be influenced by the xenophobia that surrounds me.

It makes me admire Jim Thompson all the more.

What do you think, folks?  Is this a universal writer’s struggle, or am I making more of it than I should?  Should I just shut up and get back to work already?

 

 

 

A Little Holiday Cheer

It’s a week before Christmas (okay, a week and a day), but I’m already traveling around visiting friends and family. I’m happy to say the new manuscript is all but done. Just a few more days work, maybe five tops, and I’ve decided not to push it, so will finish up right after New Years.

Anyway, since I’m traveling around today (you’ll probably notice the lack of response ahead of time from me, my apologies), thought I’d leave you with some holiday cheer. Two songs and a present.

Song one features David Bowie and Bing Crosby singing together. I remember watching this when I was a kid, and it’s stuck with me every since:

 

Song two…couldn’t leave out the kids from Glee:

 

And a present:

 

Oh, and in case you missed it…here’s a new take on people power.


Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone!



The Story I’m Not Supposed to Tell (But Always Do)

by Rob Gregory Browne

My writer friends warn me that I should never talk about how I got my literary agent. 

Why? 

Because I didn’t have to go through the hell they went through, and they assure me I’ll be jumped if I tell the story. 

You see, I was lucky enough to — as William Goldman put it in Adventures of the Screen Trade — jump past all the shit.

Years ago, I won an international screenwriting competition sponsored by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences that opened up all the Hollywood doors and got me a screen agent.  The next thing I knew I had a deal at Showtime and life was good.

Fast forward as my career took a slow, steady nosedive and I wound up writing cartoons.  And I don’t mean The Simpsons.

When that finally dried up (taking my desire to write along with it), I shuffled around for awhile, wondering what I was going to do.

My screen agent left agenting, became my manager for awhile, then finally moved on.  After a couple more years of banging my head against the wall with a new agent, I decided screw it and went out and got a nine to five job, figuring I was done with writing for good.

Oh, if only it were that easy.  As the writers in the crowd know, you’re not done with writing until it’s done with you and before I knew it, I started to get the bug again.  So I finally wrote the novel I’d always been threatening to write — working sporadically over the next three or so years until it was done.

Once it was finished, I thought I had something pretty special, hoped I wasn’t deluded, so I contact my former agent — the first one who had quit agenting while I was still her client.

You see, this former agent — whom I’ll call Marion (mostly because that’s her name) — had a LOT of connections, and I figured if anyone could help me get representation for the book, it would be her.

So I sent her an email, asking if she’d be willing to read the book.  She answered immediately and said, “Of course.”  I fired off the manuscript and a week later she called me and said, “Do you mind if I send this to a friend of mine in New York?”

Well, that friend happened to run Trident Media Group and a couple weeks later a hot young agent there — whom I’ll call Scott Miller (mostly because that’s his name) — called me and said he’d like to represent me for this book “and anything else you want to write.”

About three months later we had a deal with St. Martin’s Press.

You see why my friends warn me not to tell this story?

Please don’t jump me.

Believe me, I’m not gloating when I tell it.  I’m a very lucky, lucky guy.  But if anyone thinks I didn’t pay my dues, be assured that I spent many, many years getting kicked around in Hollywood, so I paid my fair share.

(And the great thing is, is that I’ve been able to return the favor, so to speak, by recommending a couple of writers to Scott)

So what’s this got to do with anything?

The REASON I’m telling you all this is because that aforementioned agent — Mr. Miller (is that really his name?) — has graciously agreed to answer some questions for us, and give us some insight into the agenting process.

Before he can do that, however, I need a nice, fresh set of questions to ask him.  So I want to ask YOU what YOU’D like me to ask Scott.  I’ll cull the best questions, talk to Scott and do a nice little write-up about him next time.

So imagine this:  You’re an aspiring writer.  If you could sit across from one of the hottest agents in New York (meaning you-know-who), what would you ask?

In the meantime, I’d love to hear “how I got my agent” stories from the writers in the crowd.  Everyone’s way in is different.

Until next time…

Questions I’d rather avoid

by Tess Gerritsen

(I’m staring into the jaws of a deadline — my book’s due TODAY!!! — so this will be a short entry.  And if you’re wondering how my adventure in Hollywood went, check out the photos from the set of “Rizzoli”, over on my own website, to see what it’s like hanging out with the film crew.)

Like many authors, I get asked a lot of questions.  Sometimes it’s an emailed interview.  Sometimes it’s at a bookstore or library presentation, when I invite the audience to ask me anything. For the most part, I enjoy answering those questions.  But there are a few that I’d be happy to never hear again. And here they are:

What’s your normal writing day like?

 I know that everyone probably thinks this is a perfectly straightforward, inoffensive little question, and it is.  But I often get the feeling that people ask it only because they feel that someone should ask it, if only out of politeness.  Like so many questions asked for that reason, the answer is seldom interesting. At least, my answer is. Does anyone really want to know that I start off my day with breakfast and coffee? That I sit down at my desk and turn out four pages? That I break for lunch and end at dinner?  The truth is, a writer’s job, for the most part, pretty much involves just sitting in a chair.  And when you ask me that question, you force me to confess just how boring my day really is.

Who’s your favorite writer?  

This question makes me squirm every time, because I never know how to answer it. If I name specific names, it means leaving someone out and possibly hurting feelings.  My favorite authors change, depending on whose books I’ve read lately.  And after a lifetime of being a reader, I find that my favorite-favorite books, the ones that forever hold a cherished place in my heart, are books from my youth  It’s the same phenomenon that makes us remember childhood fruits as the sweetest and childhood winters the coldest. But it feels so dorky to admit that, no matter how many glorious new novels I’ve read this year, nothing will ever beat The Hobbit. 

Do your children read your books?

Again, another seemingly unobtrusive question.  But ah, it’s one that makes me wince just a little.  Because no, my grown sons do not read my books.  They’re really not interested in reading my books — a sad fact of life that I suspect may be true for other writers as well.  Because let’s face it, we’re just Mom or Dad.  What could we possibly do that would make us cool?  I remember reading an interview with Billy Joel, who sighed that his own kid doesn’t bother to listen to his music.  Because it’s just Dad’s stuff, so it can’t be a big deal, can it?  

Which of your own books is your favorite?

I can tell you which of my books sold the most copies.  I can tell you which ones got starred reviews.  But which one do I love the most?  That question ties me in knots, because it means choosing from among my twenty one titles.  I have heard authors say that the books that gave them the most trouble often turn out to be their favorites, and there’s some truth to that.  I sweated hardest over Gravity and The Bone Garden — and both would be among my favorites.  But they weren’t my biggest bestsellers.  They’re just the books that stuck with me the longest.  Probably because they caused me the most agony.

Do you know Stephen King?

Everyone who lives in Maine gets asked that question.  Because only about seventeen people live in this entire state, so of course we all know each other.

I’m sure other authors have heard questions that made them sigh inwardly.  How about it, writers?  Are there any questions you’d like never to be asked again?

 

Freedom

by Pari

One the first day of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me . . .

Yep. It’s that time of year when latkes sizzle and candle flames flicker.

And let’s not forget the old saw about the miracle of a small amount of oil lasting for eight nights.

But for me the real miracle is that a small band of determined and incredibly outnumbered people fought for the freedom to worship, to believe in their own way, and actually won.

I don’t know about you, but I think about freedom a lot:

Physical freedom from slavery, hunger and disease
Political freedom to express opinions, to vote
Creative freedom to think differently, to break the chains of our self-imposed limitations

Yet all of us are prisoners. We embrace “conventional wisdom” without thinking about it. We often succumb – willingly – to a negative status quo.

When I stop to think about my writing and career, I’m agog at all the truisms I’ve bought into without question:

No one respects creativity anymore
Writers must market to be successful
Piracy is inevitable
More editing = better work
No one reads anymore 

The list goes on and on . . .

I’m not saying that the above – and the many more givens I accept – don’t hold grains of truth. I’m just sayin’ that maybe I’ve spent more time responding to them rather than thinking about how much they’re true in the first place.

So . . . this Hanukkah, my first present to all of you is in the form of a wish:

May you all experience the miracle of questioning, of looking anew at your long-held beliefs. And may you free yourselves from those that are holding you back in your personal and professional life.

The videos below are my second present to you. All of them blast away at certain kinds of conventions. I hope you enjoy them

1. Dar Williams sings “The Christians and the Pagans”
I love this song for the message of putting aside differences — if only for an evening — and learning to find “common ground.”  (Sorry to include a link rather than embedding, but this is the best quality link to really hear the words.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_Xdk4PujOE

2. Danny Macaskill rides his bicycle in ways that’ll blow your mind.

3.  Paddy Jones dances at Spain’s big talent show.
Ms. Jones is a 75-year old woman who can dance a mean salsa. Even though the quality of the video isn’t as good as I’d wish, it’s message comes through.

Questions for discussion:

What are some of the positive or injurious conventions you see out there in the reading and writing world?

Have you rejected a conventional wisdom lately? If so, what was it?

 

 

An Author’s 12 Days of Christmas

by Toni McGee Causey

 

An Author’s 12 Days of Christmas

(with apologies to cover artists everywhere*)

 

On the first day of Christmas, my agent gave to me

            One sad example of some cover art.

 

On the second day of Christmas, my agent gave to me

            Two antidepressants

            So I’d overcome that awful cover art.

 

On the third day of Christmas, my agent gave to me

            Three rounds of pep talks,

            Two antidepressants.

            “Please don’t off yourself; it’s not bad cover art.”

 

On the fourth day of Christmas, my agent gave to me

            Four potential pen names.

            Three rounds of pep talks.

            Two antidepressants.

            ‘Cause the publisher really loved that cover art.

 

On the fifth day of Christmas, my agent gave to me

            

 Five Re-al-ity Checks.

 Four potential pen names.

 Three rounds of pep talks.

 Two antidepressants.

 Since I was doomed when the world saw that cover art.

 

On the sixth day of Christmas, my agent gave to me

            Six bottles of wine.

            Five. Re-ali-ty Checks!

            Four potential pen names.

            Three rounds of pep talks.

            Two antidepressants.

            Plus a note about more samples of cover art.

 

On the seventh day of Christmas, my agent gave to me

 

Yes, I know he’s not leaping. Get your own poem. Seven Lords A’ Leaping. (Hell, I don’t know, there was wine involved.)

 Six bottles of wine. (all gone now) (duh)

 Five Re-al-ity Checks.

 Four potential pen names.

 Three rounds of pep talks.

 Two antidepressants.

                            As I sobered up to see the newest art.

 

On the eighth day of Christmas, my agent gave to me

            Eight frantic emails. (because I was off somewhere with…)

            Seven Lords A’ Leaping. (wouldn’t you be?)

            Six (more) bottles of wine.

            Five. Re-al-ity. Checks.

            Four potential pen names.

            Three rounds of pep talks.

            Two antidepressants.

            Because the newest was truly terrible cover art.

 

On the…where am I again? Nine? Seriously? Already? Can we move it back to eight? I might not make the deadline, see, because there were these Lords…

 

On the ninth day of Christmas, my agent gave to me

            Nine more artwork options.

            Eight frantic emails.

            Seven Lords A’ Leaping. (They had their own stash,               I swear.)

            Six (more) bottles of wine.

            Five. Re-al-ity. Checks.

            Four potential pen names.

            Three rounds of pep talks.

            Two antidepressants.

            And a deadline to pick out just one I could live with and not slit my throat over, and no, that doesn’t fit the meter, but YOU try having metered prose when you’re slitting YOUR throat and we’ll talk then, ‘kay?

 

On the tenth day of Christmas, my agent gave to me

            Ten warnings to quit calling the artist.

            Nine more artwork options.

            Eight frantic emails.

            Seven Lords A’ Leaping. (like they had to worry                   about artwork, hmph)

            Six (more) bottles of wine.

            Five. Re-al-ity. Checks.

            Four potential pen names.

            Three rounds of pep talks.

            Two antidepressants.

            All for artwork my dog could do in a hurricane.

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my agent gave to me

            Eleven restraining orders. (You know, that first cover wasn’t all that bad.                   If my name were bigger, it’d be perfect.)

            Ten harried phone calls.

            Nine more artwork options.

            Eight frantic emails.

            Seven Lords A’ Leaping (I wonder if one of them is an artist? What are the odds?)

            Six (more) bottles of wine.

            Five. Re-al-ity. Checks.

            Four potential pen names. 

            Three rounds of pep talks.

            Two antidepressants.

            And a reminder that I need to work in this town again.

 

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my agent gave to me

            Twelve beautiful cover flats. (They spelled my name correctly. Yay!)

            Eleven restraining orders.

            Ten harried phone calls.

            Nine more artwork choices.

            Eight frantic emails.

            Seven Lords A’ Leaping (Geez. Cover models.             When will they learn authors have no clout?)

            Six (more) bottles of wine.

            Five. Re-al-ity. Checks.

            Four potential pen names.

            Three rounds of pep talks.

            Two antidepressants.

            So I could practice saying, “I love my cover art.”

 

On the thirteenth day of… what? No, I hadn’t heard of the page limit. Really? Well, I thought it was going to go all the way to fifteen. Or so. Maybe weave a subplot in there? Something about a Santa Ninja Assassin and his pet… no? Really? Can I edit, then? Hello? Hello? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* because I really did love my own cover art.

 

Happy holidays, everyone. What’s on YOUR wish list this year?

 

Joyeux Noir

By Cornelia Read

 

Yes boys and girls, it’s that time of year again: the advent of Cornelia’s Annual Shopping List for Those not Overly Enamored with Holidays, Generally.

1. Steampunk Taxidermy.

New Zealand artist Lisa Black has a new take on the whole “cute baby animals” thing:

 

Her “Fixed Deer” has been sold, but you could probably commission something equally un-Xmas/Chanukah-esque if this floats your boat.

 

2. When “Love” just doesn’t cut it:

 

A mere $19.49 from the good folks at Harnk.

 

3. Killer Boots

 

Hand-tooled “62 Muertos,” only $1995 at bootstaronline

 

4. Brain-Flavored Zombie Mints

 

A mere $2.50. What’s not to love?

5. Inflatable Fruitcake.

 

Reusable. Just like the real thing. $6.95

 

6. Trebuchet Kit

Start your own arms race… in the year 1235. This is a 1/200th scale model, for $189.

7. Hitchcock Barbie

 

The perfect add-on gift with a pair of budgies. Priceless.

8. Harley-Davidson Ken

Barbie’s Malibu Meth Lab sadly not included…

9. A Salt With a Deadly Weapon Messenger Bag

Come on, is this awesome or what? $46.95

10. Free Tibet* t-shirt

*this offer not valid in China. $20

11. A Jetpack. Finally.

 

 

Available in late 2010, for only $100,000. I want it.

12. I Also Want This

 

First edition. $136,000.

13. But I’d Settle for This:

$85. What a bargain.

14. Nouveau Retro

A limited-edition repro of a classic pulp cover–stretched canvas, 36″ x 48″. $450

15. And This Wouldn’t Suck, Now That I Live in New Hampshire

 

A sculpture by Peter Grondquist, who also did Chanel grenade launchers and Gucci shotguns and other groovy things for his “The Revolution Will Be Fabulous” show in LA a while back. This one is sold, but I want everything else.

 

What about you, ‘Ratis? What do you want for a present this year?

Author Marketing in a Recession

This article first appeared in the Tennessee Writers Alliance Fall Newsletter. It’s salient enough that I thought I’d share it here too.

Times are tough.

Publishers are cutting back on just about everything: coop, author tours, marketing dollars, heck, their staffs… Newspapers are jettisoning their book sections. Magazines are going bankrupt, writing programs are being restructured, conferences are being cancelled. It is undeniably rough out there.

So what’s an author to do in the face of all this adversity?

Take advantage of the situation at hand, of course. There’s never been a better time to create your niche. The Internet is an overwhelmingly underused resource for authors who want to market themselves. And the best part? It’s free.

That’s right. You can launch a full-blown marketing campaign for free, and increase your reach for pennies more a day.

How?

By being smart about how you approach your marketing efforts.

We’ve all seen the authors who are simply out there screaming me, me me!!! They’re a big turnoff, right? They aren’t giving anything back to the community, they just want to foist their latest book on anyone and everyone they can possibly contact. They “borrow” mailing lists from listserves and spam the recipients with their newsletters, privately inbox regularly on Facebook, ask for followers on Twitter. They are no fun.

You, on the other hand, are a glorious new author with something to say. So how do you go about saying it, getting your message out there, getting your book into the hands of loyal readers, without paying exorbitant prices and alienating possible friends and readers?

Very carefully.

While the Internet is free, the price you pay for misusing it can be deadly to your career. Every positive the Internet provides has a negative as well.

The first rule of Internet marketing? Everything you say, EVERYTHING, is recorded in perpetuity. That slam on your editor? That nasty comment about your old teacher? The displeasure you have with… well… anything, all of that gets logged somewhere. Websites cache their material, which means even if you’ve gone back and deleted something, a version continues to live on. So be careful what you say. Think before you comment. Follow the adage your mom always taught: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. You never know what sort of impact even the most casual negative comment can have.

Another quick bit of advice? Don’t ever, EVER engage a reviewer over a negative review. Yes, it sucks that you got a one-star on Amazon. Get over it. That’s one person’s very subjective opinion. Unless the comments are slanderous or libelous (which is rarely the case) you need to let them go. If they are edging toward actual illegality, you can complain to the site owner. But don’t engage the reviewer.

I digress. I know some authors feel that being a lightning rod gains them readers. I don’t agree. I think the way you gain a readership is by doing two things: one, writing the absolute best book you can possibly write, and two, being a value-add author. What do I mean by that? Let me give you a brief background on how I went about creating a platform for my work, and you’ll see for yourself.

In an industry that relies on the kindness of strangers, I’ve been incredibly lucky. Before I had an agent, I had a solid critique group, a membership in Sisters in Crime, a national organization that accepts published and unpublished writers, and a webpage on Publishers Marketplace, our bible. That’s how I got my agent, by the way. He saw my webpage on Publishers Marketplace and asked for my manuscript. Serendipity aside (I’d been writing him a query letter at that very moment) how did he find me on PM? My webpage was consistently in the top ten viewed pages. How did I manage that? I started a relatively one-sided conversation called “The Best Book I Read This Week.” At the time, no one was doing it. People tuned in to see what I was saying, and voila: page views translated into momentum. (Momentum is hugely important to your career, so tuck that into your caps for a moment.)

Suddenly, I had an agent, my book was out on submission, and I needed to work on my platform. Sisters in Crime wasn’t enough anymore, I needed to raise my profile. I joined Mystery Writers of America, got involved at DororthyL (a mystery listserve with thousands of active members) started making some friends out in the Internet world. When I saw something that caught my eye, I reached out. I found a cool PR site called Bad Girls PR, run by a lovely woman named Pari Noskin Taichert. I sent her a note, complimented the site, said I hoped I’d be a bad enough girl to need her services some day, and went about my business. But Pari responded, we started chatting, and several months later, when she decided to start a marketing blog, I came to mind. (Four years later, our blog, Murderati, has been nominated for awards and is one of the longest-running group blogs in crime fiction.)

Momentum. My first manuscript didn’t sell, and everything seemed to come to a screeching halt. My agent suggested I try writing a new book, which I did. During that time, though, I didn’t abandon my online efforts. I kept up with Murderati, DorothyL, and several other listserves. I continued my weekly book picks on PM. I started writing short stories and placing them in e-zines, raising my profile even more. And I volunteered to be a book reviewer for an online site, which enabled me to read everything I could get my hands on, knowing that reading is the key to better writing.

All of that paid off. When my agent took the second book out onto submission, I now had a solid online platform. I was a crime blogger, a reviewer, a participant. The editors at the houses knew I was plugged in to the crime fiction network, that I had built myself a base of followers even before I sold my first book. And it worked. My first deal was for three books. So was my second.

Momentum. In this industry, it means a lot.

The beautiful thing about the Internet is how it’s grown in the past few years. Twitter, Facebook, RedRoom, Good Reads, Shelfari… I could go on and on. The places to market yourself are out there for the taking. There are still a million listserves catering to every genre imaginable. Organizations abound. Volunteer opportunities exist. If you build it, they will come.

And since the Internet is a virtually cost-free marketing tool, anyone can do this. Just be smart about what you do. Don’t push yourself on people, be a value-add author. Give them something back. Give them something they didn’t know they needed in the first place, and you’ve conquered what marketing is all about. Because isn’t that what we do every time we write a book or a story? We create something from nothing, and work to get that into the hands of people who didn’t realize they wanted it in the first place. Crazy, huh?

Things to remember about marketing online:

Respect your lists

If you send out too many notifications, people simply tune you out. My newsletter goes out quarterly. Publishing works slowly enough that you don’t need much more than that to get your news out. Everyone’s time is precious: if you treat them with respect, you’ll get respect.

What Works For One Won’t Always Work For Others

As frustrating as this may be, it’s the truth. You can follow in every single step I took online and still not see the benefits. The trick is to be original, be open and willing, and be flexible. You never know where that next opportunity may come from.

Don’t Compare or Compete

Professional jealousy is an occupational hazard. Don’t fall into that trap. Each book, each author, is wildly different. Jealousy causes negative energy, which will trickle out in your attitude. Remember that comparing yourself to another author is like comparing apples and oranges – they don’t measure up properly.

Be Polite

Always. Don’t engage, don’t be mean and spiteful, don’t gang up on people. Cyber-bullying isn’t just a problem in our schools. And especially don’t put your woes and frustrations online. Limit those conversations to your trusted friends. The Internet is not a giant group psychotherapy session, nor a group hug.

Don’t Give Up

When one door closes, a window opens. Things fall through. Media doesn’t get played, articles don’t get placed, short stories get bumped. Promises, sadly, do sometimes get broken, but if you can keep a healthy perspective on the industry, you’ll do fine.

Be Open to New Experiences

This is a foreign landscape for many people. If you limit yourself from the beginning, you may miss out on things.

What about you, ‘Rati? What little tricks and tips do you have for getting your name out there when times are tough?

Wine of the Week: Elio Altare Dolcetto d’Alba 

Also, just an FYI, I’m keeping a journal of sorts over on my website. It’s not a blog exactly, more of a place for me to explore my personal zeitgeist in much shorter spurts. I’d love for you to stop by, or sign up for the RSS feed here.