Imprisoned by your fans

by Tess Gerritsen

The amazingly multi-talented Steve Martin (actor/writer/comedian/musician) doesn’t need me to leap to his defense. But that’s what I felt like doing, claws bared, when I read this article in the New York Times a few weeks ago:

In the history of intellectual chatter, the events of Nov. 29, 2010, at the 92nd Street Y will be archived under disaster. Or comedy.

That night, a conversation betweenSteve Martin, the writer and actor, and Deborah Solomon, who writes a weekly interview column for The New York Times Magazine, resulted in the Y’s sending out a next-day apology, along with a promise of a refund.

Mr. Martin, in Miami for a book event, said in an e-mail on Wednesday that Ms. Solomon “is an outstanding interviewer,” adding that “we have appeared together before in Washington, D.C., in a similar circumstance to great success.”

But Sol Adler, the Y’s executive director, saw it differently. “We acknowledge that last night’s event with Steve Martin did not meet the standard of excellence that you have come to expect from 92nd St. Y,” he wrote in an e-mail to ticket holders. “We planned for a more comprehensive discussion and we, too, were disappointed with the evening. We will be mailing you a $50 certificate for each ticket you purchased to last night’s event. The gift certificate can be used toward future 92Y events, pending availability.”

What was Steve’s big mistake that night? What terrible misbehavior did he engage in to so enrage his fans? Simply this: he had the audacity to be himself and talk about his latest book — which is about art. The audience came expecting to hear the wild and crazy guy they knew from his film and TV career. They wanted to hear tales of glitz and glamor and movie stars. They wanted their trained monkey. They didn’t want the Steve Martin who talks about art, which is what he is clearly passionate about, and what his book is about.

When he didn’t deliver exactly what they expected, this audience was so disappointed, so incensed, that they pitched a tantrum worthy of spoiled brats and demanded their money back.

Now, if this were an audience who paid big bucks to hear Lady Gaga sing in concert, and instead had to watch her read the Manhattan phone book in a monotone, I could understand their disappointment. When you pay for music, you expect music. When you pay for dinner, you expect food.

This audience came to hear an interview with Steve Martin, and they got an interview. But the man is known to have many facets; he is not just a wild and crazy guy, but an author who wanted to talk about his latest book. A book about a serious topic. Over the years, through his comedic movies, Steve Martin has been branded as a funny guy. But that branding has locked him into such a tight cage that if he dares step one foot out of that cage, the public cracks their bullwhip to drive the prisoner back to where he belongs. In the cage for wild and crazy movie stars.

This, fellow authors, is the downside of branding. Every time you write a book that reinforces your brand, you have welded in another bar of your cage. Once that cage is locked and sealed, you’re going to have a hard time getting out of the thing again.

Only a few authors have been able to do it successfully. John Grisham has managed the feat, occasionally releasing a sentimental novel between his usual legal thrillers. Stephen King has escaped branding, too, partly because he has regularly produced non-horror, literary fiction throughout his career.

For most of us, though — writers who aren’t as prolific as King, or who don’t wield the clout of Grisham — a large part of our success is tied up in branding ourselves. We start off wanting readers to think of us as the crime thriller or romance go-to gal. It’s only later, when we get a hankering to try something else, or when our chosen genre starts to lose its audience, that we realize that being branded isn’t always such a good thing.

My own brand has skittered around through my career. First I wrote romantic thrillers, then medical thrillers, then science thrillers, then crime thrillers. With an historical thriller thrown in. The one part of the brand that’s stayed constant is the “thriller” part, and that’s allowed me a bit of leeway. Readers will forgive you for moving between sub-genres. But try making a really big leap — say, from serial killer novel to sweet sentimental novel — and your audience is going to howl. The way they howled at Steve Martin.

If you truly want to slip out of that cage, you may have to do it in disguise with a pseudonym. Which means starting over again as a newbie writer trying to find your first audience. Or you’ll have to find an understanding publisher. Or you’ll have to publish it yourself as an E-book, an option that more and more authors seem to be leaning toward.

Good luck to you. May you escape the wrath of fans who’ll never forgive you for craving a little variety in your art.

Kinder, gentler resolutions

by Pari

It’s late night, the time when I thank God for the remote. Flipping through the now limited channels of our basic cable . . . past the evangelists preaching last-minute salvation, the telenovelas with characters that definitely need saving, and the news shows that make me wonder if anything holy exists . . . I can’t help but notice a change in the timbre of the commercials.

Yes, folks, it’s resolution time. The time when we shake our heads and ask,
“What the hell happened to last year?”
“What do you mean it’s almost 2011?”
and “Hunh?”

Last year, on December 31^st, I taped my resolutions to the inside back cover of my daily calendar. Smart, hunh? Well . . . not really. It’s amazing how skillful I became at opening the thing so that I didn’t have to look at them.

I think I’ll take a look now . . .
Why’s this clip here?
What’s that glue for . . .

Actually, I’d completely forgotten that I only posted the “writing goals” for 2010 in my working calendar. That was a good idea. No additional emotional trauma about gained weight, missed exercise or being a horrid mother and spouse. I’d have to go to the complete list of resolutions I typed up on the computer for that and, well, I don’t even remember what I filed them under.

Whew!

But let’s look at those writing goals:

1. Write at least two pages of fiction daily.

2. Write and mail at least one short story per month.

3. Write and propose/mail at least two original novels.

4. Reach 10 items in the mail at one time.

Um . . . not bad. Manageable. Humble. Achieved?

Nope.

I have no clue if I’ve been writing anything close to two pages a day, but I’d bet I haven’t. (More on that in a minute.)

I’ve sent/queried maybe six stories this year. Maybe less. Though I’ve written a YA novel and a novella, I haven’t even begun to edit them or to think about potential markets. And, at most, I had four or five items in the mail at one time. So I’m majorly behind on that curve.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Guilt.

Guilt, who?

Guilt that helps you hammer your ego into oblivion, causes paralysis, and makes your inability to write feel totally justified because it feels sooooo good to feel bad.

Um. Gee. Thanks, but I already gave at the office . . .

Really. I look at that moderate list of resolutions and I’m not sweating the fact that I didn’t meet those expectations. You know why? It’s because I’m in a better place creatively than I’ve been in in long long time.

And I’m more consistently productive than I’ve been in years.

You know why. No trick. No smoke or mirrors. I’m just writing fiction every day. Anyone who follows my little fan page on FB knows some days I only get to 100 words or so. Other rare days my word count is up in the thousands. But call me “Turtle,” because, baby, those words add up.

So what for the New Year? The same list of resolutions? A shorter one? A more ambitious one since, come on, really, a writer who wants to be read does have to get her work out instead of hording it.

Okay, okay. I think I can do this . . .

Here goes:

1. Write fiction every day.

2. Send a work of fiction I’ve written out into the world to be read. (That gives me great squiggle room; I can post on Smashwords, try to sell someting etc etc etc. Yeah, I like that one almost as much at #1.)

Success breeds success, right?

In that case, I’ll have good news in December 2011.

How about you?

Do you make resolutions?

Want to share one or two with the ’Rati?

——-
Thank you to all the wonderful members of Murderati — the writers and our community here — for a truly beautiful, supportive, and intellectually motivating year. I hope 2011 brings joy, health and success to us all.

an interview with… our own Allison Brennan

by Toni McGee Causey

As I’ve mentioned before, one of the very best things about being a part of this group is that I occasionally get to interview other authors. Sometimes, it’s a guest interview and sometimes, like today, it’s a chance to get to know one of our own a little better. And even though Allison and I have been close friends for over five years now (wow! five? wow, the time has flown)… I still learn something new from her nearly every day. She’s one of the most giving people I know, and has not only been a terrific friend, but a fabulous mentor… which is why, when I knew she had a new book in a new series which featured one of my favorite characters (Lucy Kincaid), I sort of begged (annoyed, badgered, whined) in order to get a galley. It is, hands down, her best book yet. It’s fantastic–I literally started it when I was swamped and just did not have time to read and I couldn’t put it down, people. I know fans of thrillers will love this book; it comes out this Tuesday, December 28th. So to celebrate–here’s an interview with Allison, a little more about Lucy, and a contest.

…the interview…

Which is more difficult to deal with in life: the apologetic repeat-offender petty criminal or the unrepentant morally ambiguous liar?

Absolutely, hands down, the unrepentant liar. Petty criminals garner pity and sometimes empathy depending on their circumstances. If they’re apologetic, they know that they are doing something wrong, but they can’t seem to “help” themselves, and continue to make bad choices that over time land them in prison or lose them their family.

But unrepentant liars? They are sociopaths. They may or may not know that their actions are wrong, they justify their lies because they are inherently selfish and have no comprehension (or don’t care) whether their lies hurt someone. They may not be criminals, but they destroy lives with their lies. Many of these pathological liars do turn to crime—they may not be killers, but they may become con artists who prey on the elderly, or thieves, or steal the identity of thousands of people.

Which would be the more interesting character to write about, and why?

Both are interesting in their own way. However, the petty criminal would make a better secondary character (perhaps a catalyst of sorts or a character who pops up throughout the book and has a pivotal role in the climax) while the liar would make a better villain that I could explore more fully how he (or she) impacts the lives of others.

What are the sights/sounds/tastes of your earliest memory?

My earliest memory is just after I turned two. I am sitting in the passenger seat of my grandpa’s big truck, in my pajamas, and I turn to look out the drivers window as he walks from the house and waves to me. It’s a snapshot in time that I’ll never forget. I didn’t remember until my mom told me later that on Saturday mornings my grandpa use to take me with him to the barber, then out to breakfast. He died when I was two-and-a-half.

What is the biggest risk you’ve taken in your life?

Quitting my job before my first book came out. I didn’t know whether the book would be successful, and everything I’d heard was don’t quit your day job! So when I got the advance, I put it in my savings account and didn’t buy anything frivolous, I “paid” myself a salary and I pulled the little kids from day care (that’s another story! I couldn’t write with them around! Who said being a stay-at-home-mom was easy? They must have been smoking something.) I cut expenses right and left, and it was still tight. But I knew that I couldn’t work full-time and write, so I took a leap of faith. I knew that if my books didn’t do well, I’d be crawling back to my old boss begging for my job back. I REALLY didn’t want to do that.

What was that one fork in the road you wish you’d taken, just to see what it would have been like (and if you wish, you magically can still end up where you are, if you’re happy)?

I rarely, if ever, dwell on past choices. Once a decision is made (which may take me awhile!) I know that my life is on a different path, and regrets lead to unhappiness and discontentment.

There have been several pivotal choices I’ve made in my life that I know had I made the other choice, I would be in a completely different place. For example, for college I was accepted into the Johnston Program at the University of Redlands. It was a public policy think tank program and only accepted (if I remember correctly!) 40 students a year. You lived in a house on campus and had an independent study type program. I decided instead to go to UC Santa Cruz in order to stay closer to my boyfriend. We broke up a year later and I dropped out of college a year after that and moved to Sacramento.

I don’t know what I would be doing today if I went to Redlands. I doubt I would have dropped out of college. I also doubt I’d be a published fiction author. I have no doubt, however, that in whatever I did I would be a writer of some sort.

But I also wouldn’t have met my husband and had my kids. I can’t possibly comprehend what my life would have been like, or that my different choice would have led to the non-existence of five people. It actually kind of creeps me out to think about it!

What one trait do you value the most in your friends that you don’t think you have (or have enough of)?

Empathy. When someone close to a friend dies, I never know what to say, and I kind of freak out. Some of my friends ALWAYS know what to say or do. They send flowers or cards and have just the right words. They think of something original and kind to do. Or, when someone has cancer and the school gets together to make meals I never participate, though I want to—I don’t know what to say to the person or the family. Maybe I just don’t do well around death and dying, or maybe I fear that the same thing can happen to me. I’ve lost people close to me, and I just want to hide alone for a couple weeks. I guess I don’t respond well to sadness, even though I’ve experienced it.

What five words (alone, or as a sentence), describe you best?

Procrastination. Lazy. Helpful. Generous. Forgiving.

What makes you cry?

Disney movies.

What makes you feel outraged, wanting to rant?

We’re not allowed to talk politics on this blog, so I’ll remain silent.

What is your favorite curse word?

Shit. I know, boring. I also like “Damn, damn, damn!”

What is the most interesting thing you’ve done in the pursuit of research?

I’ve been so lucky with my research field trips! I’ve been to Quantico, Folsom State Prison, FBI Headquarters, the morgue, and participated in the FBI Citizens Academy. But the most interesting was the FBI training sessions. I’ve done it twice, and I can’t wait until they ask again.

The training sessions are put on by the FBI for local law enforcement. The first one was set up with eight stations, and the cops could pick four to practice. One, for example, was pulling over vehicles. They’d run the exercise multiple ways, to illustrate different levels of danger, but the cops didn’t know what they’d be facing. One exercise was that the driver was wanted but complied; the other that the driver was wanted and didn’t comply; and the other was there was a man hiding in the backseat. Traffic stops are the most dangerous for cops, and they all took these training exercises seriously.

I was part of the warrant exercise. I was married to a known sex offender who was wanted by police. One time I let them in because they had a warrant. The other time they didn’t have a warrant, and were practicing gaining admittance through talking me into letting them in. I was supposed to make them work at it, and they were being judged on how they handled a hesitant spouse. Another time I would be belligerent. It was my first time in cuffs. Then, the officers go in and search the place. They also ran the exercise where they had a warrant to arrest a friend of my husband’s staying with us because he had an underage prostitute. Another time I hid and they had to search and find me. I’d then be debriefed about how and when the officers searched me, etc. They were supposed to take it seriously, but one cop didn’t handcuff or search me (the wife of the offender) and she was taken to task for that.

But the MOST fun and scary was when I was a victim in a school shooting scenario. Fun, because I was carried out by SWAT. Scary, because it seemed damn realistic. After the exercise, the FBI trainers would walk the SWAT team through step by step and ask why they did this, what they did that, etc. This particular exercise was to train SWAT on triage in a live-shooter situation. That SWAT is damn good at their job, but they wanted more training in assessing medical needs and whether it was safe to move victims while there was still a shooter in the building. I learned so much, and have great admiration and respect for SWAT after watching them perform.

What was the worst thing you had to endure in the pursuit of research?

I honestly can’t think of anything! Except, it really is no fun being handcuffed.

Where would you like to travel, and why? What would you like to see there?

Australia, Ireland, Italy. Nothing in particular, just beautiful countries.

What would you change about yourself?

I would be more diligent and procrastinate less. I would also be on time. I’d also like to lose 30 pounds!

What would you keep the same?

Hmm, I can’t think of anything. There’s room for improvement across the board.

And now… LOVE ME TO DEATH — the first in a new series for for Allison.

Here’s a little about the story:

Six years ago, Lucy Kincaid was attacked and nearly killed by an online predator. She survived. Her attacker did not. Now Lucy’s goal is to join the FBI and fight cyber-crime, but in the meantime, she’s volunteering with a victim’s rights group, surfing the Web undercover to lure sex offenders into the hands of the law. But when the predators she hunts start turning up as murder victims, the FBI takes a whole new interest in Lucy.

With her future and possibly even her freedom suddenly in jeopardy, Lucy discovers she’s a pawn in someone’s twisted plot to mete out vigilante justice. She joins forces with security expert and daredevil Sean Rogan, and together they track their elusive quarry from anonymous online chat rooms onto the mean streets of Washington, D.C. But someone else is shadowing them: A merciless stalker has his savage eye on Lucy. The only way for her to escape his brutality may be another fight to the death.

Here’s the Publisher’s Weekly rave review:

Grabbing the reader by the throat from almost the first page, this pulse-ratcheting romantic suspense from Brennan (Original Sin) delivers intense action, multifaceted characters, and a truly creepy bad guy. FBI hopeful Lucy Kincaid is trying to heal from a brutal attack six years earlier. She volunteers at a program dedicated to luring and rearresting repeat sex offenders via the Internet, but then discovers a horrifying connection between her work and the execution-style murders of the parolees. PI Sean Rogan, a friend of Lucy’s brothers, becomes focused on protecting her at any cost, and their mutual passion flares. As Lucy draws closer to the truth, effective red herrings litter the way and throw her deeper into confusion.

And Lee Child said: “World-class nail-biter . . . Brennan is in the groove with this one.”

So here a the end of the year, tell us, ‘Rati, what would you change about yourself? What would you keep the same? And is there a road not taken you sort of wish you’d tried, just out of curiosity?

Meanwhile, while y’all are answering those… here’s the CONTEST

I’m going to be running a contest, starting Tuesday, which will be announced in my newsletter and on my blog, but ‘Rati readers get a headstart. Anyone who does the following between now and Monday night (midnight, CST) will get two chances at the e-reader (see below) instead of just one chance. All you have to do is follow instructions and tweet the sentence below before Tuesday, and you’ll be entered twice. Everyone posting on Tuesday and afterward will still be entered the one time.

…here’s the contest:

A chance to win a FREE E-READER—EITHER A KINDLE OR A NOOK COLOR…

Here are the rules:

If you’re on Twitter, this one’s for you. Contest starts on December 28th and continues through midnight, January 3rd, central standard time. All you have to do is tweet this exact tweet:

Can’t wait to read #thenewAllisonBrennanthriller, Love Me To Death: http://tinyurl.com/2wel7a5 @ToniMcGeeCausey @Allison_Brennan

One entry per twitter name makes you eligible to win either a Kindle or a Nook Color—whichever one you choose (see the links for the specific model) if your name is drawn in the random drawing. Plus, the winner will receive a $50 gift certificate to the ebook store their reader came from in order to help get a jump start on purchasing books for their new ereader!

If there are more than 1,000 entries (remember, one entry per person)—there will be TWO prizes given away, so spread the word, but let them know they have to tweet that exact tweet, okay?

Contest void where prohibited. Any winner who happens to be outside of the US may opt for the cash equivalent (via Paypal) of the Kindle ($189 USD) + the $50 cash (also via Paypal—for a total of $239 USD) if they cannot use the Kindle or the Nook in their country.

Winner(s) will be announced on my Facebook page, as well as on my blog on Monday, January 10th, by 5 p.m. (CST) and on Twitter—so follow me there if you want to see it there. (I’ll post it to Twitter first.)

Nice Hat, Dude

By Cornelia Read

[I have no excuse, except that nothing says “Christmas Tradition” to me like stoned grownups and a bunch of twinkly lights wrapped around some palm trees…

Yeah, whatever, so it’s a cactus. So sue me.]

It was, like, whoooooa… Christmas, and all through So-Cal*

Not a stoner was surfing, neither Local nor Val**;

Our longboards were leaned up against the garage,

Cause we’d totally scarfed on pâté and fromage;

My best dudes were sacked out all biffed in their beds,

While visions of shred-betties*** danced in their heads;

And my chick in her drug rug****, and me in my Uggs,

Had just smoked a bowl of our taste Maui Bud,

When on the canal there arose such a ruckus,

I rolled out our hammock and said, “dude, what the fuck’s this?”

Cross the lawn I rocked steady, still awesomely cas’****

‘Til I’d unlatched the moon gate and sparked up some hash.

The moon on the breast of the tidewater’s flow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to this fat dude below,

He was riding a gondola, toking off a fat spliff

With all these, like, deer hanging out… um… him with.

He totally smiled up at me, sly and quick,

And I was all, like, “Dude, you’re that awesome St. Nick!”

Then he went, “Cha, kid, you’re onto my trip,”

And I was all stoked to be totally hip.

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly, like, elf,

That I so laughed my ass off, in spite of myself;

He chucked me this zip-loc of mushrooms, way phat,

And I said, “Dude you are awesome, and rockin’ that hat!”

Then I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he rowed out of sight,

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”

*Southern California.

**People from “The Valley.” Which, as a pal of my sister Elena’s once pointed out, “is kind of like your best friend’s little sister. Hot, flat, and you don’t want to go there.”

*** Chicks who surf.
****

**** Short for “casual.” Pronounced cazh.

Christmas Eve(sdropping)

by JT Ellison

Well, Merry Christmas Eve! I don’t know about you, but I’m taking a bit of a break. A few days of no work, and all play. Of wrapping and cookies and family. My blood relatives, that is, I feel like all of you are family too. If you celebrate, may I wish you a very merry Christmas. And to all – a brilliant New Year!

Two of my favorite writers have new books out, and I thought it would be nice to share them with you. Libby Fischer Hellman and I go way back – we’ve run into each other at conferences for years. And Michelle Gagnon and I debuted together at Mira back in 2007. Libby’s new book, SET THE NIGHT ON FIRE, has been garnering praise from all quarters. Michelle’s newest thriller, KIDNAP AND RANSOM, is ripped from the headlines of the drug wars in Mexico. These are two seriously talented chicks, my friends.

I owed them both a gust spot here at Murderati, so I thought it would be fun to have a chat between the three of us. We managed to cover a lot of ground. Without further ado, here is the chick chat.

This is now a group chat. Libby Hellmann has joined. Michelle Gagnon has joined.

JT: We’re all here!

Michelle: Yay! Just an FYI, there might be a few pauses if I have to deal with a testy 4 year old. I forgot school would already be out. But I’ll do my best to keep them brief.

Libby: I love technology when it works! Hi, Michelle.

Michelle: Hi Libby!

JT: I thought we could talk a bit about each of your books, what’s going on in your writing lives, how you’re coping with all the crazy changes (if you’re seeing any on your end, our main bookstore just closed)

Michelle: I just saw that the B&N on Fisherman’s Wharf is closing, so it’s not just the indies…

JT: Scary

Michelle: So scary. Ed at M is for Mystery gave the most depressing State of the Industry talk ever at the Xmas party.

Libby: I think the B&Ns and Borders are next on the list of dinosaurs. Actually, I think indies might, if they’re still around, be okay. There are still a lot of readers out there who want the direction and guidance of indie booksellers.

Michelle: I wonder if the new Google books app will help them?

Libby: Especially now that Google is making their ebook store available to indies… Great minds, Michelle…

Michelle: Ah, Libby, great minds… lol

Libby: Jinx

JT: Will ebooks from Google save the indies? Or will they be the place we go to get all nostalgic fro the ways things used to be?

Libby: Both.

Michelle: I think possibly both. I’m not entirely clear on how the Indies get paid via Google.

Libby: I’m not sure of the profit structure between Google and indies, and frankly I’m not sure if there might not be a backlash against ereaders sometime soon…

Michelle: I think that part of the problem is that as everything moves online, online groups will fill the void indies now occupy in terms of finding lesser known books. Wow, Libby, we really do think alike!

Libby: We do. It’s scary. The issue about moving online…. Here’s what I still don’t get. How will people KNOW where to go to find lesser known authors? I think it’s still TBD

JT: Are you both purposefully seeking out new authors through the indies to help counteract the ebook revolution?

Michelle: I don’t know. I have to say I never would have heard of Lenny Kleinfeld’s fantastic debut if it weren’t for the Amazon group Libby and I both subscribe to. Because it was published by 5 Star, few indies knew about it either, even Lenny’s local bookstore. I have to say, most of the new authors I’ve discovered have been online or via word of mouth. Sad but true.

Libby: They are, btw, some of the most knowledgeable people I’ve ever communicated with. But even the most popular thread for us only has 300 plus members on it.

Michelle: I still think the internet is a fad.

JT: LOL. I just read Hamlet’s Blackberry, and Powell talks about how in times of great change, there’s always this feeling that things won’t last. Like the written word during Plato’s time. It was just catching on, but Socrates thought it was a disaster and wouldn’t last. I think that’s what’s happening with ebooks.

Libby: Boy, would I like to believe that, Michelle, but I’m not convinced. I’m looking at the promotion I’m doing for STNOF and I have to say that 80 per cent of it is online.

JT: I agree.

Michelle: Almost all of the promotion for my last thriller was done online. Although the only personal appearances I made were at independent bookstores.

Libby: Me too. And a few libraries.

Michelle: Exactly

JT: Interesting. Any particular reason you didn’t hit chains?

Michelle: Honestly, there are more indies here than chain stores. And I haven’t had great luck touring the chains. I always end up sitting at a table directing people to the bathroom.

Libby: For me it’s easy. I’m with a small publisher and getting them to carry my books is like the myth of Sisyphus. They just won’t do it.

Michelle: I think that people aren’t as likely here (in San Francisco) to attend events at the chain stores.

JT: I’ve had the exact opposite issue. Many indies haven’t carried me in the past, but the chains sold me like mad.

Libby: Which is one reason I like internet promotion. Every book, every author, starts out with equal footing online.

Michelle: Interesting…

JT: Yeah. You’re both on ebook, right?

Michelle: Yes, on Kindle but not the iBookstore yet.

Libby: Yes… all my books are on Kindle and Smashwords and the other etailers.

JT: Are you seeing any uptick in sales?

Libby: Absolutely. But it it’s the result of conscious ebook promotion on my part.

Michelle: At least on Amazon, my ebook sales outpaced physical book sales three to one for the latest release. It was actually pretty staggering.

Libby: Wow. That’s impressive, Michelle!

JT: Holy crap.

Michelle: I know. And I have to say, those ebooks are a godsend in terms of the backlist.

Libby: Actually, that’s happening with STNOF too, although it’s only been out a few weeks.

Michelle: I really think those Amazon discussion groups make a big difference.

JT: I haven’t gotten my ebook numbers for my October release, you’re talking about your November release, right? Kidnap and Ransom?

Michelle: Yes – but I use Novelrank to keep track of Amazon sales. Supposed to be fairly accurate.

Libby: They must be, Michelle. Or something.

JT: Novelrank? I’ve never heard of it. Will be signing up for THAT asap.

Libby: I don’t know Novelrank.

Michelle: It’s amazing. And sadly addictive. It tracks all of your books and estimates sales based on changing rankings minute by minute.

Libby: Well, we can add that to the list. Have you seen the new stuff on Author Central at Amazon? Amazing.

Michelle: Yes, I love that we can finally access Bookscan numbers. Amazon must have paid a fortune for that.

JT: Love that. It’s so nice actually getting a snapshot. I use Publisher’s Alley, but that’s just Baker & Taylor.

Libby: I heard a rumor they may be buying it.

JT: Amazon buying Bookscan?

Michelle: Really?

Libby: And I heard Bookscan is only 25% of your total sales.

JT: I’ve heard 60%

Libby: Yes. That’s what I hear.

Michelle: Much less for ours, actually- have you found the same, JT?

Libby: Gee, are you surprised?

JT: So Libby, you go first. Tell us about your new book, SET THE NIGHT ON FIRE, and the fabulous new PW review you just got!

Libby: Well, the review called it a “first rate stand-alone thriller”. Not that I’ve memorized it or anything. It went on to say it was “insightful and fascinating…” I can live with that.

JT: A fitting description, of both the book, and the author. Michelle, you reviewed Libby. What do you think, does PW capture it?

Michelle: Absolutely- it’s a fantastic read!

Libby: It’s the story of past and present and how the repercussions of the past still influence events in the present.

Michelle: Loved it.

Libby: Thanks, Michelle. I’m so happy you did. I was really, really nervous about this one… because it’s a standalone. My first. And because there are more characters than I usually have in my novels.

Michelle: So different writing a standalone, isn’t it? My new book is a standalone. You did a wonderful job of developing even the more minor characters, though, Libby.

Libby: I really like the freedom of a standalone.

JT: Oooh, talk about that. What’s different?

Libby: You can plot the character development more carefully and not have to think about future arcs, for one thing. You can also have incredible obstacles thrust at your protagonists and not have to worry if you’re “using them all up”…

Michelle: I’ve discovered that it took some time to really hear the voices. Starting the series books where I knew at least two of the characters really well was like starting on first base. That’s true about future arcs, though. And about “using them up.”

Libby: That’s true Michelle… but for me it was liberating not to have to write in Ellie or Georgia’s voice.

Michelle: It was a nice break. In some ways felt like I’d spent the past six years at a continuous cocktail party with a group of people who I largely loved. But six years is a long time to be with anybody.

Libby: I can relate. The other thing I love about the standalone format is that I can make the characters anyone they want to be. They don’t necessarily start out being heroic… or assertive… or even noble. I don’t have to worry about their interior make-up. Their actions on the page will show readers what they’re made of. And then they’re gone! Poof… I don’t have to deal with them anymore.

Michelle: I’ve been writing a lot slower – partly because I’m not on a strict deadline, so I have the luxury of time, but also because I want to give the story time to simmer. With the series books, even though I don’t plot them out in advance, I always kind of knew what was coming. With the new book, I’ve constantly been surprised. You did have some very noble characters in STNOF though, Libby. I liked that by and large everyone’s motivations were very clear.

Libby: Thanks for your comments, Michelle, about the FIRE characters. What I love about your writing, Michelle, is your relentless sense of pacing. At least in KIDNAP AND RANSOM, there wasn’t a wasted page. I don’t know how you did it! How did you come up with all the obstacles and permutations?

Michelle: I actually ended up trimming about 10,000 words off the first draft.

Libby: You’re kidding.

Michelle: Thanks for saying so – I did aim for that with K&R. I tend to overwrite, then go back and get rid of any extraneous scenes

JT: Michelle, tell us about KIDNAP AND RANSOM, your new thriller.

Michelle: So basically the idea for K&R came to me when I was researching US/Mexico border issues for The Gatekeeper. I stumbled across a story on the recent kidnapping of the world’s foremost hostage negotiator.

Libby: Irony of ironies…

Michelle: And I was struck by the irony of the hero becoming the victim (which ended up as the tagline on the cover) The most ironic part was that he was in Mexico to give a speech at a conference on the recent uptick in kidnappings. Yet oddly there was no ransom demand, and none of the drug cartels claimed responsibility. So K&R is about the attempt to rescue him, and a (fictionalized) reason for why he might have been taken in the first place.

Libby: Did he ever turn up in reality?

Michelle: Not yet. It’s been two years this month.

Libby: He’s gone.

Michelle: I think so. It’s been terrible for his family not to know for certain. I received an email about a week after the book came out from another guy who had been at a restaurant with him the night he was taken.

JT: Michelle, does that make you uncomfortable, being right in the mix with a crime, or did it enhance the story?

Michelle: A bit. I received a few other emails too regarding the negotiator. However I (hopefully) made it very clear in my author’s note that I write fiction, and this was not intended to reflect him in any way, shape, or form. It’s just where the idea originated. I like starting with something grounded in reality, however. I’ve done that to some degree with each book.

Libby: Me too. I do that also.

Michelle: And Libby’s latest is all about that. What I loved was learning more about a time period that I didn’t know very well.

Libby: I lived through it. Many of the scenes actually happened.

Michelle: That’s amazing! Where did the young Native American boy story come from?

JT: background, please!

Libby: That was pure fiction. I knew I needed something to tie Alix and Dar together, and the boy served his purpose. Background: Parts 1 and 3 take place in the present. Part 2 starts in 1968 and goes thru 1970 in Chicago.

The protagonist in Part 1, Lila Hilliard, is a 30s something professional who finds out her parents are not the people she thought they were. Part 2 is the backstory of who her parents really were and how they were all connected. It’s basically about 6 people who lived together in a commune after meeting at the Democratic Convention. Part 3 is what Lila does as a result of knowing her parents’ history.

Michelle: It was a fascinating story, very intricate and yet really well woven.

Libby: Thank you, Michelle.

JT: I can’t wait to read it! It sounded fascinating when we were talking back in Nashville in October. So let’s talk a bit about the community. Best places to meet and mingle with writers?

Libby: Google chat?

Michelle: Good one, Libby! Bouchercon, hands down. Facebook too, for the day to day. I have to put myself on a Facebook diet. If I had a real job, I’d probably spend 75% of the day at the water cooler. It’s a problem.

JT: That’s the fun of the conferences, I think. The essence of being in a huge office building with all your peers.

Libby: Actually, I’m not so high on big conferences anymore. Sure, you can say hi, how are you… but it’s fairly superficial. I learned more about you JT in Nashville than any other conference that we’ve both attended. So I guess I like the smaller venues.

JT: I like the small ones too. It’s easier to get to know people.

Libby: What gets to me at conferences is the need to be on all the time. I’d rather chat informally, either on line or on Skype… or, now that I have my iPhone, Facetimes!

Michelle: Oh, how is Facetime? I haven’t used it yet.

Libby: Facetime is amazing! My daughter and I use it all the time… like of like a mini Skype.

Michelle: I haven’t been to a lot of smaller conferences. Aside from Book Passage in Marin, which is amazing.

Libby: I’ve heard. What do you have to do to get invited? Sell your first-born?

Michelle: Pretty much. They gave mine back, though.

JT: Favorite book you read this year (aside from each others, of course)

Michelle: FAITHFUL PLACE by Tana French

Libby: That’s a tough one. Probably Daniel Woodrell’s WINTER’S BONE. I loved it. Also enjoyed SAVAGES by Don Winslow.

Michelle: I haven’t heard of Woodrell! (See how useful the online word of mouth can be?)

JT: There’s a new movie made out of Woodrell’s. I just bought the book, It looks…deep.

Libby: The movie was beautiful too. Really well done.

Michelle: Which movie?

Libby: WINTER’S BONE

Michelle: Great, thanks

Libby: It’s set in Appalachia, in the middle of meth labs and extreme poverty.

Michelle: These are a few of my favorite things…

JT: Any predictions or resolutions for 2011?

Michelle: I always make the same resolution – to learn one new thing.

Libby: Stop procrastinating. I’m a wizard at it.

Michelle: This year…back handsprings. Because that window is surely closing for me. Oh, and less procrastinating on Facebook.

Libby: I used to be much more disciplined in my writing. Not any more.

JT: Why does that seem to happen? I’ve had that issue too. Is it because we’re stretched so thin across the online world, having to do marketing and promotion, that we have less time?

Michelle: I’ve been trying to just shut off my internet connection when I’m writing, because it’s far too easy when the writing lulls to think, “I wonder if any new email came in?” Or, “What’s happening on FB?” And then I’m off and gone…

Libby: I think so. And there are so many worthy distractions. FB, Twitter and all the links that follow… online reviews… I have to shut it off. Otherwise, I’m just fooling myself.

JT: Freedom. Works like a dream. I use it religiously.

Libby: Btw, JT, your husband hit the nail on the hammer with the elections.

Michelle: ?

JT: I know. Michelle, he’s a pollster.

Libby: See how ADD I’ve become?

Michelle: Exactly, we’re rapidly becoming an ADD nation

JT: Read Hamlet’s Blackberry. Truly fabulous look at how this has happened so many times in history.

Libby: oops.. it’s the hammer on the nail. Or something.

Michelle: Link?

JT: http://www.williampowers.com/hamlets-blackberry

Libby: See, I’ve learned two new things today… Novelrank and Hamlet’s Blackberry. I’m good for the next hour.

Michelle: Thanks! All I can say is don’t get involved with Angry Birds. You’ll lose hours every day

Libby: So I hear.

JT: Random – do you get dressed in the morning to write, or are you slovenly like me and work in yoga pants? And what’s your writing schedule like?

Libby: I LOVE days when I don’t have to shower or get dressed and all I have to do is write. Or pretend to. I write in my bathrobe half the time.

Michelle: Totally slovenly. To the point where the UPS guy thinks our place is a halfway house.

JT: Mine too.

Libby: I won’t even answer the door…

Michelle: It tends to be the only human interaction I get most days, so I make the most of it.

JT: LOL. Don’t you work in an office though, Michelle?

Michelle: Not anymore. Honestly, I get less work done when there are people around. I need total silence and a fridge nearby. I usually exercise first, and deal with minutiae in the mornings. Then I start writing after lunch.

JT: That’s my schedule too. I can’t do the coffee shop thing, I need solitude.

Libby: I try to write fresh material in the morning. Even if it’s only half done. Then I can spend the rest of the day refining it. My best writing sessions are when I set a timer for 45 minutes. I don’t answer email, the phone, the door, or anything. I just write. Not edit. Just write. Sometimes I feel like a monkey typing drivel. But eventually something worthwhile emerges. That may be all I do for the day, but putting it in shape takes the rest of my writing time.

Michelle: That’s a great idea, Libby. I’ve heard there’s actually a program that will prevent you from accessing email etc for periods of time

Libby: Then at the end of 45 minutes I give myself permission to check email, etc.

JT: I do that with Freedom. Set it for 60 minutes. Write my tail off. Then take a 5 minute break to check email. You can easily write 3K a day that way

Libby: Really? That much?

JT: Yeah. Writing, not editing.

Michelle: Signing up for it right after this. Oh, and after I check my email. And Facebook. And play a Lexulous move.

JT: It’s a great tool, if you use it.

Michelle: I aim for 2000-2500/day. About eight-ten pages. And I’ve decided that rather than feel guilty about it, I’ll just try to get as much done whenever that window opens up. Sometimes that means working at night

JT: Do you write every day, 5 days a week?

Michelle: I try, but that’s simply not always possible.

JT: Well, you have a toddler. That’s a challenge to creativity, right?

Michelle: Preschooler now. Great, but challenging. Plus I’m trying to get her into Kindergarten right now, which is a part time job in and of itself.

JT: I’m not up on the kid lingo

Libby: I try for 5 days a week. But my kids are grown and out of the house.

Michelle: That must make it easier…

Libby: Easier, and when I don’t do it, guiltier too.

Libby: OK. So that’s my resolution. A 45 minute session every day. Whether it ends up 3K words or not.

JT: I can’t even imagine. What are we missing here?

Libby: I don’t know, but if you find you are missing things, just let us know by email….

Michelle: Absolutely- email is the easiest way to reach me. And I’m around this week.

Libby: Boy, now you have to make this seem like a logical, intelligent conversation. I’m sorry for you…

Michelle: This was great, JT. Thanks so much again.

Libby: It’s been fun. Really. Have a great holiday, ladies.

Michelle: I know, I was thinking the exact same thing Libby! Happy holidays!!!

JT: Have a fabulous week, ladies, and Happy New Year! Don’t forget to stop by Murderati and answer questions Friday! xoxox

Libby: I’m so glad this worked… it was my first time using Google chat!

Michelle: Definitely. See you both then… xoxoxo

Libby: Will do, JT. See youse both.

____________________________________________________

With the release of SET THE NIGHT ON FIRE, Libby Fischer Hellman will have published seven novels by the end of 2010. About her fifth novel, EASY INNOCENCE, the Chicago Tribune said, “There’s a new no-nonsense detective in town… Tough and smart enough to give even the legendary V.I. Warshawski a run for her money.” They were referring to Georgia Davis, Libby Hellmann’s PI protagonist in the thriller. Davis returned, paired with amateur sleuth Ellie Foreman, in Hellmann’s sixth crime fiction thriller, DOUBLEBACK (2009), which was selected as a Great Lakes Booksellers’ Association “2009 Great Read.”

Michelle Gagnon is a former modern dancer, bartender, dog walker, model, personal trainer, and Russian supper club performer. Her bestselling thrillers have been published in North America, France, Spain, Norway, Denmark, Sweden, Finland, and Australia. BONEYARD was a finalist for a 2009 Daphne du Maurier Award for Excellence in Mystery/Suspense. She lives in San Francisco with her family.

Wine of the Week: Hot Spiced Christmas Wine

Ingredients

2 oranges
2 (750 milliliter) bottles red wine
1 (750 milliliter) bottle white wine
1 (3 inch) piece of fresh ginger, peeled and thinly sliced
3 cinnamon sticks
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/3 cup brown sugar, or to taste
1/4 cup brandy (optional)

Directions

Use a sharp knife or a vegetable peeler to remove the zest from the oranges in strips, being careful to remove only the orange part, leaving the pith behind. Then, juice the oranges into a large, heavy-bottomed pot.
Pour the red wine and white wine into the pot with the orange juice. Place the strips of orange zest, ginger, cinnamon sticks, cloves, and brown sugar into the pot with the wine mixture; stir to dissolve the sugar.
Cover and heat over medium-high until heated through, but not boiling, reduce the heat to medium-low and heat for an hour or longer to bring all of the flavors together. Adjust the sweetness by adding more brown sugar, as necessary. Strain and serve hot with a splash of brandy, if desired.

Playing Around With Words

Zoë Sharp

This is my last post of 2010, and as such the more serious themes I was intending to touch on just don’t seem appropriate, somehow. There’s an end-of-term feel about the place at the moment, and emails from a couple of friends – plus a visit to Motorcycle Live at the NEC in Birmingham earlier this month – turned my mind to paraprosdokians.

Confession time. Until recently, I’d never come across a paraprosdokian. No, that’s not entirely true. I’d come across lots of them – I didn’t know that’s what it was, or that there was a word to describe it.

A paraprosdokian come from the Greek and means ‘beyond expectation’. Basically, it’s a figure of speech, in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is unexpected and causes you to reinterpret the first part.

So, what does a trip to the bike show have to do with any of this?

Simple – booths selling silly T-shirts. I like silly T-shirts – they suit the level of my sense of humour.

OK, that’s just a nice example of a silly T-shirt from a company called Bad Idea T-shirts and not, strictly speaking, an example of a paraprosdokian. But Groucho Marx was very good at them:

“I’ve had a wonderful evening – but this wasn’t it.”

So was Winston Churchill:

“A modest man, who has much to be modest about.”

Not to mention Dorothy Parker:

“If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be in the least surprised.”

I remember a stand-up routine by Emo Phillips years ago which was full of nice examples:

“I like going to the park and watching the children run and scream, because they don’t know I’m using blanks.”

“My family held a wonderful leaving party for me … according to the letter.”

“My father said, ‘I’ll miss you, son,’ because I’d broken the sights off his rifle.”

There are plenty out there, in quote or T-shirt form:

Various friends have sent me some great examples, and here’s a whole load of them (some conforming to the correct parameters more than others):

“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”

“I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.”

“The last thing I want to do is hurt you … but it’s still on the list.”

“Light travels faster than sound – this is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”

“We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”

“War does not determine who is right – only who is left.”

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”

“The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.”

“A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…”

“How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?”

“I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.”

“I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.”

“Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

“Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.”

“You do not need a parachute to skydive – you only need a parachute to skydive twice …”

“The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!”

“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”

“A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.”

“Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.”

“Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.”

“I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.”

“Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.”

“Always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.”

“The saying is to fight fire with fire, but remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.”

“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.”

“Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.”

“If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?”

“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.”

“Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.”

Of course, if a paraprosdokian isn’t clever enough for you, there is always a syllepsis instead, also known as a semantic zeugma, which is a zeugma where the clauses disagree in either meaning or grammar, but where the rules of grammar are bent for stylistic effect.

My favourite example of this comes from the wonderful Flanders & Swann song, ‘Have Some Madeira M’Dear’, which goes:

‘And he said as he hastened to put out the cat,

The wine, his cigar and the lamps:

“Have some Madeira, m’dear…”’

‘She lowered her standards by raising her glass,

Her courage, her eyes and his hopes.’

Alanis Morissette also uses a syllepsis in ‘Head over Feet’

‘You held your breath and the door for me.’

Charles Dickens used them, like this one from THE PICKWICK PAPERS:

“She went home in a flood of tears, and a sedan chair.”

So did Mark Twain in THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SAWYER:

“… and covered themselves in dust and glory.”

And it’s not just the literary giants who use them. They seem to be a particular favourite device of entrants to the Lyttle Lytton Contest, in which people are invited to ‘compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels’ such as this belter from 2001:

“Monica had exploded, and I had a mystery, and pieces of her pancreas, on my hands.”

So, ‘Rati, do you have any favourite examples of a paraprosdokian, a syllepsis, a zeugma, or just a silly T-shirt slogan, that you’d like to share?

Happy Holidays to everyone, by the way, and wishing you health, luck and happiness for 2011!

Hey, Hon, What Should I Write About On Murderati?

by Rob

“I don’t know,” she said.

Believe it or not, I almost stopped posting right there.

Here’s the thing. I am very fortunate to be working my ass off these days. I recently completed two books, have now started on a new one, due March 1st, and also have another due April 15th.

Because of this, I’m very seriously considering leaving Murderati. I haven’t decided yet. Haven’t even TALKED to anyone about it other than Leila—who thinks I should keep going—but the thought is definitely there.

While I’ve enjoyed my time here, and am constantly amazed by the great posts my fellow Murderati contributors put up here every day, I find myself pretty much stymied when it comes time to post.

Which is probably pretty evident, lately.

I don’t tell you this because I want everyone to say, “No, Rob! Don’t go!” Because the truth is, if I were to leave, Murderati would thrive without me, just as it did before I came along.

You’d think that coming up with a new blog topic every other week wouldn’t be that difficult, but I honestly really struggle to find something halfway interesting to say, and only succeed half the time.

So I’ve been thinking about the pros and cons of leaving.

Pros

1. No looming deadline every other week.

2. No pressure to come up with an interesting post.

3. No disruptions of the paying work.

4. Murderati gets fresh blood.

Cons

1. No longer having a blog.

2. Missing my colleagues and the many great people who comment.

3. No longer being part of the “in” crowd.

4. I vanish into obscurity.

So, if I make the decision to leave, is it a mistake? I’d love to hear from you guys. And AGAIN, I’m not looking for any ego-boosting “No, Rob, don’t go!” comments. Just some solid reasons why I should, or shouldn’t, pull the plug.

Today’s Trivia: The phrase Merry Christmas comes from Dickens and only became popular after the publication of A Christmas Carol.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and all that stuff.

P.S. One of my family traditions is to watch THE REF as well, Alafair. We absolutely love that movie.

Australian Mysteries

By Louise Ure

By the time you read this, I will have been in Australia for over a week already. Hopefully, I will have finally settled into Australia’s summer season and time zone and all the nausea inducing jet lag will be behind me. Picture me sipping a good Shiraz in the Hunter Valley.

As I readied myself for the trip, I was trying to decide between getting a Kindle or getting an iPad to take along. You know what an Apple slut I am, so I was leaning toward the iPad in the hopes that it would not only be a reader for me, but give me the chance to write if the inspiration hit and it would make internet and email activities easier than the iPhone’s tiny keyboard.

I ultimately chose “none of the above” because I’m not ready for a dedicated reader and couldn’t justify the extra money for an iPad. (Write while I’m on the road? Who am I kidding? I’ve never written when I traveled before and have no reason to think I will now. But if inspiration strikes I can always pick up a pad of paper.)

So the book thing remains a question.

Twenty years ago when I lived in Sydney, I fell in love with Australian mysteries. The early works of Arthur Upfield with police officer Inspector “Bony” Bonaparte. Jon Cleary’s Inspector Scobie Malone series. Garry Disher’s Inspector Hal Challis outside of Melbourne. Any of Peter Corris’ multiple ongoing series. I even read quite a few of Robert G. Barrett’s Les Norton series about a nightclub bouncer, mysogynist and all around ne’er-do-well until Barrett’s repeated description of Les as “the big red-headed Queenslander” drove me to distraction.

I had lots of favorite female authors, as well. Shamus Award-winner Marele Day, who writes about private investigator, Claudia Valentine. Claire McNab, who has several continuing characters but my favorite is lesbian Detective Inspector Carol Ashton. And Jennifer Row who created Verity “Birdie” Birdwood, a TV researcher who winds up embroiled in mystery and murder.

I’m ashamed to say that I haven’t read any Kerry Greenwood yet and I intend to correct that on this trip.

But who else should I be reading? Come on all you Aussies out there … you booksellers … all you lovers of international mysteries. Give me some names. I am woefully behind on what’s good in Australian mysteries right now and I intend to buy all of them.

When I traveled back home after my years in Australia, I had to go buy a coffin-sized metal footlocker for all the books and send it back by ship. I’ll probably have to do the same this time. Hmmm … that might have made the iPad a bargain by comparison.

Stay well you all and have a lovely Christmas.

Holiday Traditions

by Alafair Burke

As we approach Christmas, I’ve been thinking about holiday traditions. Holidays are probably most exciting for children. At least for children who celebrate Chirstmas, what could possibly be better than Santa Claus, a reindeer-powered sleigh, surprise toys, and pretty, shiny decorations everywhere?

But maybe children love Christmas more than adults because they don’t have any responsibility for it. As a child, Christmas just… happens. Kids don’t have to schedule vacation. School just stops. They don’t have to buy the tree and haul the decorations out from storage. They don’t have to mail Christmas cards or plan the holiday menu. Stuff just magically appears. Like Santa.

But for grown ups, Christmas could simply be a date on a calendar. Particular for the self-employed, like writers, it could even be just another day at work.

My husband and I don’t have children. We both work. We have our routines. And it would be so easy — tempting even — to just skip Christmas.

But I refuse. Maybe it’s the memories of Christmas as a child, but I still need my holiday. I wish little elves (or maybe some less creepy type of minions) would show up magically under cover of night and make Christmas happen, but it takes effort — and not only from me, but the people around me. And so many of the efforts we make during the holiday season come from tradition. Sure, some of these traditions are collective — decorated trees, stockings, and egg nog. But many are created by families over generations or develop instantaneously because of some memorable moment that we want to continue to recreate.

Here are some of my holiday traditions.

Tree Night

I know. Most of us who celebrate Christmas have the usual tree. But my husband and I skipped the tree business for a couple of years because floor space in Manhattan is precious, and setting up a tree is a pain in the ass. But a few years ago, we had dinner at one of our favorite neighborhood joints, Knickerbocker Bar & Grill, and something about the season hit us. The restaurant was decorated with traditional white lights and garland. Diners carried shopping bags filled with wrapped presents. There was talk of an early snow. We passed a row of Christmas trees outside the Asian deli next door, and I knew I needed to have a tree at home again. We paid our cash, each grabbed one end of the tree, and dragged that bad boy up University Drive to our apartment. Each year since, we always go to the same restaurant and deli for tree night.

Christmas Tree 2010

It’s not the best looking tree, but it contains memories. I bought those red velvet bows at a drug store in Portland when I was too poor in college to buy ornaments but desperately wanted a tree. That angel came from a landscaping store in Buffalo and was too tacky to ignore. That sad-looking plastic shrub on the cabinet served as our tree for those two years we skipped the real thing, so still gets a place in the apartment next to its larger, more authentic sister.

Turkey Frying

Before I met my husband, I prided myself on my turkey-roasting abilities. I stuffed the bird. I basted every 15 minutes. I monitored the temperature like a worried mother. But then I met a boy who was fascinated by turkey friers. I discovered an electric version that could be used indoors or out. I bought said boy a turkey frier, a turkey, and 13 Manhattan-grocery-store sized jars of peanut oil for Christmas. Our apartment smelled like french fries for three days (not that that’s a bad thing).

That boy’s now my husband, and we now have fried turkey at Christmas.

The Music

I have bad taste in music. Well, I don’t think it’s bad, but I’ve been told by enough people that it’s bad that I’ve come to accept that description. My bad taste in music is also reflected in my choice of Christmas tunes. I don’t listen to the classics. They’re classics to me, mind you, but apparently not to others. I love Christmas songs by pop stars. The Pretenders. U2. Mariah Carey. Madonna. The Waitresses (even though I spent years thinking this song was by Bananarama.) Elton John. Wham. Harry Connick, Jr. John Cougar. Mellencamp. Whatever. Bing Crosby & David Bowie (though I dare anyone to say this isn’t classic, enough so to be spoofed in this version).

And every Christmas season, I listen to the Band Aid effort, “Do They Know It’s Christmas,” until my husband’s ears bleed.

The Movies

Sure, I’m a sucker for TV’s the Grinch and Charlie Brown’s Christmas, but when it comes to movies, here again, I eschew the classics for more recent and less overtly Christmas-y fare.

Home Alone.

The Ref.

Gremlins.

I watch these movies every single year at least once.

And every year, I have to watch at least this scene from “Scrooge.” Thank you very much, Albert Finney.

Texas Grapefruit

My paternal grandmother sent us all the same gift every year: a box of Texas grapefruit and chunk of Havarti cheese. She passed away at the age of 101 two autumns ago, but to my surprise, that familiar yellow Pittman & Davis box arrived in the mail the following December and showed up again last week. My parents have been placing the orders, and my hope is that decades from now my nieces and nephews will be exchanging Texas grapefruits and Havarti for reasons they aren’t even sure of.

Christmas Eve

We spend Christmas Eve with my sister-in-law’s family so we can wake up at the crack of dawn to the sound of our eager nieces running down the stairs to discover that Santa did, in fact, arrive. We open presents in our jammies, and our dog, the Duffer, gets his own stocking.

Speaking of Duffer, he has also become a part of our Christmas card tradition. We love those photo cards people send out of their children so decided to replicate the effort with our dog, the Duffer. The pictures were originally intended to be ironic, but I confess to finding intense joy in them now. This year, his photo is with PetCo Santa Claus. Neither of them looks very happy to be there.

So what are your holiday traditions?

Realignment

By Allison Brennan

Several friends recommended Detroit 1-8-7 as one of the best new television shows out this season, so I downloaded Season One thus far and will start watching it while wrapping Christmas presents this week. It’s an ABC show, and I think I avoided it when it started because I rarely watch network TV anymore. Castle (ABC) is my guilty pleasure, and Law and Order SVU (NBC) has been a long-time favorite. But looking at my iTunes directory, there are no other network shows. I grew quickly bored with Criminal Minds, stopped watching CSI years ago, and NBC ticked me off when they cancelled LIFE after two incredible seasons. As far as I’m concerned, network TV is no better–and often worse–than cable television. The pluses are that when they are good, they have the money to really produce a top show–with solid writing and great actors and no skimping on the budget. But unless I hear from people I trust–like I did about Detroit–I won’t invest the time or money in network TV.

FOX launched in 1986, and brought with it some innovative programming. The WB and UPN were merged into The CW a few years ago, but the WB in particular had some great shows. X-Files came from FOX and one of my favorite shows (SUPERNATURAL) is on the CW. The formerly small networks are now competing with the big guys and I think it’s to the advantage of television fans to keep the creative competition thriving.

Enter cable TV. It used to be, at least for many people, that cable television was blah–unless you had paid premium cable like HBO and Showtime. To me, ten years ago cable television was all boring documentaries and some good kids programming (like Nickelodeon.) But over the last few years, I’ve found that cable is bringing me my favorite new shows. And while in the past cable networks weren’t widespread or you had to buy specific packages, now there’s more universal cable programming. And even better for people like me, if you don’t subscribe to premium programming, you can still buy many of the shows on iTunes to watch only a few hours after they air. But it’s still the basic cable programming that is really shining for me.

Take F/X. JUSTIFIED is my new favorite show of 2010–and I’m thrilled Season Two is starting in two short months–sometime in February. It’s edgy, fun, witty, dark, with some of the best characters on television today. US Marshal Raylan Givens is based on an Elmore Leonard character, and Leonard is involved in the show.

And I’ve been enjoying THE GLADES (A&E) and am glad it’s returning for a second season. The show works because of the protagonist, Chicago transplant to South Florida Det. Jim Longworth played by Matt Passmore, and his best friend, the forensic pathologist Dr. Carlos Sanchez (Carlos Gomez.) It’s not JUSTIFIED, but few shows are. But it’s fun, and Longworth is a great character.

And I’m still watching SUPERNATURAL, now in Season 6, on the CW. The show is about two brothers battling supernatural forces–the standard demons and vampires and ghosts, as well as less common creatures like the djinn, tricksters, and ghouls. I was skeptical that it would survive without its creator, the amazing Eric Kripke, and when the season started my first thought was, “Damn, they should have ended on a high note.” Kripke had a five season story arc for the show, and it was pitch perfect. But still, I continued on, until two weeks ago when they aired “Appointment in Samarra” and I thought, “It’s back.” In summary? Dean, the older brother, agrees to be the Horseman Death for a day if Death will get Sam (the younger brother’s) soul out of Hell where it’s trapped with Lucifer and Michael. If they keep up this storytelling, SUPERNATURAL will return to being one of my top two shows. I’m only disappointed that it took them half a season to regain their footing.

And then there’s FRINGE, a FOX program. Season one? Terrific. Season two? Awful. I don’t know why, but I really didn’t like it at all. It just didn’t click for me. But so far, Season three is fantastic. I hope they keep it up.

To me, there’s sort of a realignment going on in television–and possibly all media. The big guns are no longer the big guns per se, but when they get it right they do it right. But the cable networks — even with small budgets and shorter seasons — are creating some amazing new programming, focusing largely on quality character development as well as edgy storylines, without being unbelievable. So while I’m looking forward to ABC’s DETROIT because my friends tell me it’s amazing, I’m truly looking forward to seeing what cable comes up with next. Another fun thing about cable shows is that they often launch mid-seasons, with fewer episodes but original programming when so many other station are putting up re-runs.

Now, there’s no new trailers for JUSTIFIED, but I found this on YouTube and I thought those who love the show would enjoy the minute of clips from Season o ne, and those who haven’t seen it will get a taste of a terrific program.

What mid-season premiere are you most looking forward to returning? Here about anything new coming up that sounds like great television?